I miss my old job

I just spent 5 days in the woods with my kids. I came back happy and sunburned and loving my students and dissolved into tears in the middle of 3rd period because the teacher relationship is so limited and sad compared to the wilderness instructor relationship and I love my kids in class too but I don't get to feel it, almost ever, at least not during class.

I was always worried about what would happen if I started crying in class, and now it's happened and it was ok. I'm glad it was that class. Four girls stayed after to say they were sorry and it will never happen again and are you ok and please please please just don't cry, ok? Don't cry.

It's a good reminder both of why I don't want this job again next year, and why I do, desperately, want to be the instructor for next fall's wilderness course and go to soccer games and help kids get into college and send them pictures of trips for their myspace pages and yeah. All that. Everything but teaching math, which is the only reason I know any of them to begin with.