June 7, 2007

things that make your jaw drop

1. Giuliani appears to be saying that Iran already has nuclear weapons. There's kind of nothing to say about that, other than "ARE YOU INSANE?" What remotely responsible person would say that WHILE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT? Anyone who is that out of touch with reality should be nowhere near the controls of the VERY REAL United States nuclear arsenal.

2. 100.3 Da Beat played this song while I was driving home today. Consumer lesbianism to the max. If you find yourself discussing it, please note that it is not by T-Pain, but rather by Ray L, who is on the same record label and has a very similar voice and sound. I might have something to say about mass-production if my brain hadn't just been fried by "I'd rather just join in, keep my girl and keep the other one too." BECAUSE WOMEN ARE POSSESSIONS. And lesbians? What they really want is YOUR DICK.



We are experimenting with capital letters. BECAUSE WE ARE ANGRY.

June 6, 2007

missing the point

I've never understood fancy restaurants with bad food. I've also never understood fancy restaurants that serve unnecessarily complicated dishes, have spectacularly glitzy dining rooms, and serve mediocre food. Stephen Starr, I'm looking at you. It's the restaurant as status symbol.

What people really don't need is to take that attitude home. That article describes a phenomenon - probably made up, as most NYT article phenomena are - in which "even a laid-back dinner with friends can be a challenge to their sense of self-worth." That, my friends, is absurd. (The article also mentions a couple who bring their own pickled ramps to dinner parties. Which, unless they're a gift, is just rude.) Where's the fun? You might eat some good food, but all that anxiety sucks the pleasure and beauty out of it. Not to mention that it's hard to see the point of a friendship where most of the way you interact is about showing off.

Now, you might say that this is a made up phenomenon, that there is no evidence of any such trend actually existing, and that therefore there's no need to write this at all. And you'd be right, mostly. Except that the use of practical items - houses, cars, food, money, clothes, pretty much anything you might actually need - as status symbols is a function and problem of status-oriented, hierarchical culture, and it's stupid. It leads to some serious resource over-consumption, being as it's the reason people have McMansions and Hummer limousines, but the bigger issue is that it's a crap way to relate to people. You can turn around what's high-status so it's a status symbol to buy organic (see last 10 years), but the underlying problem of egotism and self-aggrandizement remains a huge barrier to an egalitarian community. And did I mention it's no fun?

June 5, 2007

you get no education with one diphthong

I gave my finals today, which varied between lovely (all those sweet, funny juniors in first period, so focused with their calculators and notebooks) and miserable (all those 9th graders in fourth period screaming at me and each other and running around). There are almost two weeks of school left, though, which begs the question of why I'm giving my final today.

Well, because that's how my school does it. Grades close next week, a full week before the end of the school year, meaning that after Thursday less than half of the students at the school will show up. This set up, or some version thereof, is the norm in the whole district. In my school, the upshot will be that classes will be combined by floor or, possibly, the whole 3rd floor will be shut down and the 600-700 students who show up (out of 2000 on roll) will hang out in various classrooms and watch movies or play cards or god knows what. We haven't been officially informed of this, but it's going around through the grapevine of marginally competent teachers: once one of us finds out, we want to make sure the others know so we can plan for it. No one's telling the dude across the hall, because he doesn't plan anything anyway.

This, of course, would be absurd in a school or district that was actually organized around learning. Even though teachers, principals, and administrators have most of the skills to encourage learning, that's not the purpose they're putting them to. Those of you who were in the political theory seminar (or in the practical wisdom class) will remember that there's a neo-Aristotelian concept that describes this perfectly. The example I remember is the schmoctor: someone who has the skills of a doctor, but doesn't use them in a way that fits the telos,1 the greater meaning, of practicing medicine. Schmoctors might push cosmetic surgery or Botox, or they might come up with reasons for HMOs to deny care, or they might pursue drug company payments at their patients' expense; despite possessing all the skills of a doctor, they're not really doctors because their skills don't serve the fundamental meaning of medicine, which is to keep people healthy.

The same thing can happen in any profession with a telos, of course, and I think it's a pretty good way to understand urban schools. People get hired to be teachers, but they're actually schmeachers. That guy across the hall who doesn't plan anything anyway? His goal is not to have students learn, but to collect a paycheck for the minimum possible effort. It's not every person, but it does happen at every level. Principal, schmincipal. Superintendent, schmuperintendent. Et cetera, all the way up to the "CEO" of the district. That's the fundamental bad faith of urban education, summed up in a single diphthong.2


1. One reason I'm writing this post is that searching google for 'schmoctor telos' gets you nothing. And that - well, let's just say it's not right.
2. I know it's actually not a diphthong, because schm- is a set of consonants. But I don't know what it's called. I'd be grateful to learn.

June 4, 2007

aw, shit!

After school can be awful. I hold detention in my room, and it's hot, and any kid who was enough of a pain to get detention is probably enough of a pain to be irritating during detention.

So I let Nia and Luisa go early today. And Mon and Lona came to work on their math project. And it was perfect.

Did I mention that I took 6 of my juniors (and 1 sophomore I don't teach) on an Outward Bound course last week? I didn't? My bad. They were total rockstars, and did things like wake up at 5:30, pack the whole camp by 6 am, play Big Booty for half an hour, and hike a mile and a half before 7 am. Lisa had kind of a life-changing experience, maybe, and she's applying for a two-week course this summer. Anyway, Mon and Lona were on the trip, and they, like all the other students, were obsessed with calling me by my first name. At one point one of them said my name, and when I turned around she was giggling like crazy. "I just wanted to say it."

Now Mon and Lona call me North after school, or rather by my actual name. I don't really know how to express how much I love the relationship we have now, after a year of struggle and learning and 5 days of Outward Bound. Today, they spent two and a half hours in my stuffy, irritating classroom under the fluorescent lights working on exponential functions. I alternately helped them, read the newspaper online, and tried to write the final I'm giving tomorrow; when I couldn't explain something to Mon because I couldn't understand what he was thinking, Lona took over.

Lona'd been stuck at one point, but she got spectacularly unstuck, and it was like a lightbulb went on. I could practically see the neurons connecting. Later, she was working on a problem and figured out the pattern for a pretty complicated exponential function involving antibiotics, and when I confirmed that she was right, she jumped out of her chair and ran into the hallway and started dancing in the doorway, and then came back and screamed,

"Yo, this shit will blow your fucking mind, dawg!"
Ten minutes later I showed her the trick with the 9s table, where if you're trying to multiply a 1-digit number by 9 you count the number that's not 9 on your fingers and bend that finger down. The number of fingers before the bent finger is the 10s digit, and the number of fingers after the bent finger is the 1s digit. A simple little trick, but she'd never seen it before. She nearly fell out of her chair.
"Awwww shit! Math is fucking amazing!"

Names have been changed. But you knew that.

May 30, 2007

more 'mos

I watched Coach Carter in my 9th grade class last week.1 Man, does that movie ever fail the Mo Movie Measure. There are two female characters with names, but they don't ever speak to each other. However, it does have a surprisingly respectable subplot about teen pregnancy. Ashanti and her boyfriend, the basketball star, fight over the fact that she's pregnant, break up temporarily, she has an abortion, they get back together. She's sad about it because she partly wanted to have the kid. Her boyfriend is mostly upset that he didn't know, so he couldn't support her. You know what's awesome, though? She doesn't get dumped, lose all her friends, go crazy, or die.


1. No, there was no valid educational purpose. Why do you ask?

May 23, 2007

10% is not enough

Dramatis Personae
Boy Genius is a junior who's talking to me about the Outward Bound course he might go on this Friday.
Vinny is his friend.
Mick is a 9th grader who has detention. He's in the same general crew as BG and Vinny.
I'm Ms. North. You know me already.

Scene
My classroom, after school.

Boy Genius: "Yo, Ms. North, this trip sounds bangin'."

Vinny: "Is there any 'mos going to be going on this trip?"

Ms. N: "Any what?"

V: "'Mos. Like, uh, ho - mo - sexuals."

N: ::Thanks for clearing that up::1 "I don't know.2 Why, you got a problem with gay people?"

V: "Not if they're girls..."

N: "Y'know, Vinny, it's good for you when guys are gay. 'Cuz if two guys are dating each other, it's less competition for you. They won't be going after the girls, and you can be all like Hello, Ladies. Really, you should get all your friends to be gay."3

V: "YO!! Ms. North! You totally right. I gotta get some skin for that one." /high five/ "Yo, Mick, do me a favor and be gay. Yo, T, get this."

Vinny walked all the way down the hall expounding to his friends about what I had said - evangelizing, if you will. I swear on my life I did not laugh until he was gone.


1. Ten bonus points on the final exam for anyone who can identify the trash fantasy author who uses that format for internal speech.
2. Not strictly speaking true, since one student is out and I'm going. Though homosexual isn't a label I have any affinity for.
3. Credit where due to Deb the Dramaturg for this line of 'reasoning.'

May 18, 2007

slightly revelatory

1. The Mathemagician and I have been recommending American Apartheid1 to anyone who will listen. Today I mentioned it to my dad and a friend from college. This book is what quantitative analysis is for. It argues, using quantitative data explained in incredibly clear terms, that African-American residential segregation in the US was created and is enforced by the actions of white homeowners and credit institutions, and that segregation necessarily acts to concentrate the effects of poverty so that the segregated community passes through various tipping points with respect to housing abandonment, property disinvestment, crime, educational attainment, and neighborhood solidarity. Past those tipping points, a spiral of decline creates and perpetuates an underclass, which eventually perpetuates itself. The book builds its argument so solidly that every time you wonder about something, something is addressed two pages later. It came out in 1995, though, and it doesn't talk about gentrification at all. I have a post on gentrification in mind in light of American Apartheid, but that will have to wait.

2. The Political Schmientist helped me realize what I want to do with my life.
2
I think I take things too literally sometimes. I've been walking around since I saw that picture saying, "A lighthouse operator! How do I become a lighthouse operator?" Even though I know that's not what I want: I want an interesting place to walk and swim, and a job where I feel good about myself and my work every day, and to fulfill some of my childhood fantasies about being important.

Do they even have lighthouse operators anymore?


1. Massey, Douglas and Nancy Denton. American Apartheid. Harvard University Press, 1998 (reprint of 1995, I think).
2. "xkcd - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language." I haven't looked at the rest of it, but, um, YES.

May 14, 2007

another new thing that's just not that new

Apparently a number of people, including some Planned Parenthood volunteers, are concerned about the moral ramifications of using genetic testing to decide whether to have an abortion. Normally I would sympathize, but several are presenting this concern as being somehow in conflict with current abortion support.

People. Say it with me. My uterus belongs to me. Your uterus belongs to you. Legally, I'm not sure there should be any other relevant statement.

Yes, morally, deciding to abort a disabled (or gay or retarded or female) kid is, well, icky. And maybe, in certain cases, wrong. Abortion is morally sticky territory, being that involves the blurring of categories like 'alive' and 'not alive.' Generally, women make serious, carefully considered decisions about their personal, individual situations, which they know much much better than anyone else.

As a consequence, no law ever applies well in these situations. Outlaw abortion (or any type of abortion) and you end up with situations where someone is trying to figure out when a health exemption turns into a life exemption. Ridiculous if it weren't so awful.

For many pro-choicers, this is where it ends, and I think this focus on the legalism doesn't give a clear picture of how abortion actually happens in the real world. Worse, it obscures the other side of choice, which is the choice to have a child and have the resources to raise it. That type of choice is often less important for middle+ class (often white) feminists, and a huge deal for women of color and poor women. White feminists need to be on that shit, because it is also choice, and it is also a way in which women find their reproductive options limited and constrained by state action. And it will reduce the number of abortions: the world's lowest abortion rates are in countries (Scandinavia, the Netherlands) with easy access to abortion and contraception and a solid social safety net. Reducing abortion isn't the point, though: the point is to honor and expand people's choices.

This is the same schema that ought to be applied to genetic testing. Abortion should still be legal for any reason, but we should be working to make this a friendlier world for kids with Down syndrome or other disabilities or, hell, kids. Because outlawing some reasons to have abortion and keeping others will be a disastrous muddle; but helping people know what their options are and have more and better options? and being nicer to kids? Not problematic. People seem to have trouble understanding that not everything icky needs to be illegal. I mean really, if we're going to go that route, we might as well make canned clam sauce illegal.

May 13, 2007

traditional nuclear family

The cast
The Mathemagician - male, 26, math tutor
Deb the Dramaturg - female, 24?, underemployed dramaturg (duh)
The Hipsterest Grad Student (Pterest, with a silent p) - male, 23?, anthro grad student at the local Ivy
Mech - Deb's [male] Israeli partner, 30-something, interested in Judaism, landscaping, and sex education
The Gardener - my girlfriend, currently an apprentice at a rad farm in the suburbs
Me - female, 25, math teacher in hell


The back-story
Deb and the Mathemagician are the lesbian moms. Pterest is the adolescent son. I'm the sperm donor dad. Gardener is my gay male partner, and she and I are supposed to be positive male role models for Pterest, but are always falling down on the job. Gardener in particular is a deadbeat, says Deb, because when she's around she makes cake and indulges us all, then takes off on her next adventure when she feels like it. "Are you going to teach Pterest that people just leave??"

The situation
Pterest asks for advice about using some canned clam sauce on pasta. I say gross. We all get into a big [fake] argument about who's allowing him to eat what and how the moms indulge him too much and why aren't the Gardener and I better role models and why wasn't Pterest helping us clean the house anyway? Deb says, "I'm going out with my other partners now, and so is Mathemagician. You have to take care of our son."

This is what passes for theater around here.

May 11, 2007

in case you were wondering

Dear Clyde,
Thanks for your affection. However, when I leave my room in the morning, what I really want is to go to the bathroom in peace. I don't lock the door because it doesn't have a lock, not because I want you to come in and rub your head against my knee. Also, could you start getting out of my way when it's dark? I stepped on you three times yesterday. I'll try to be more careful, but you're the one with the night vision!
Your cat-mom

Dear 1st and 2nd period class,
I'm sorry I'm so grumpy. I really, really am. You all are great, and have learned vast amounts about exponential functions this week. I did notice.
Your Algebra II teacher

Dear 2nd period boys,
You guys need to shut up. Or stop coming to class, either way.
Same

Dear 9th-grade boys,
I am so impressed with your turn-around the last two weeks. One of you got a 98 for the week - I think it's your first passing weekly grade, and your project looks awesome. It's really cute when you come in during 1st period to get the previous day's homework. Another of you just got into Upward Bound, which is one of the few programs related to the public schools that I can recommend without reservation. I'm so glad that I stuck around that day and was in the room when the coordinating teacher told you the paperwork was too late: another teacher and I ended up finagling you a second (third? fourth?) chance. I fully believe that you and all my other 9th grade boys will escape the sad fates of my 11th graders, become brilliantly successful, and save the world.
Your transitional math teacher

Dear English teacher across the hall,
Jesus H. Christ, please stop the gay-bashing.
Your semi-closeted co-worker

Dear student's older sister,
Fuck you. Ok, also: when your brother gets suspended for threatening to punch me, it's not helpful for your mom to call me up, tell me what a horrible teacher I am, then put you on the phone. Furthermore, screaming at me to tell you my room number will not make me give it to you. And you know what's not smart? Calling me back after I hang up and leaving a lengthy, profane message in which you identify yourself and threaten to kill me. That's called evidence.
Fuck you.

Dear 911 operators,
I've called you more in 2007 than in the rest of my life combined. Thanks for not making me feel stupid when I call and it's not a life-threatening emergency requiring immediate response. I sincerely hope to go back to my normal level of calling, though I understand that part of the increase is that I now know to call 911 when there's a traffic signal out at a busy intersection.
That woman you just talked to

Dear friends,
When you read this, please remember that the good things do exist. I sincerely doubt that the crazy sister is serious. I called the police anyway. They're sending a car out. I'm taking care of myself. Also, just fyi, the adrenaline rush of listening to that voice mail is crazy. However, I still think it's safe to go to school on Monday, and I promise that my personal safety is important. I also want you to know that until 5 pm, today was pretty good. Some kids learned some stuff.
North

May 7, 2007

show me what you got

One of the many pleasures of Lil' Mama's Lip Gloss is the clarity with which it summarizes a particular 3rd Wave narrative arc: lack of confidence solved by greater beauty, life revolutionized, goals accomplished, but of course, "it wasn't the lip gloss, it was you all along." Empowerful lip gloss.


Other pleasures: displays of talent from other dancers, including the boy who tears his glasses off. The ambiguously middle-school setting, complete with lunch trays, old-school iMacs, double-Dutch, and slightly dorky clothes. Lil' Mama's surprising butchness: rapping, the hat, grabbing her crotch. The universal technology, including video-shopped pin with Lil' Mama performing on it, videos playing on iMacs, even the flip book.

Also the beat.

May 1, 2007

we are the only people who have ever lived

"I was going to write about [whatever]" is probably the most over-used intro ever, at least out here on the internet. However. I've been meaning to write about a Times article from April 10 since April 10. Unlike many such inclinations, this one's stuck with me, like a burr that you can't get out of your bootlaces. Thus, today's expression of irritation.

The article in question is about sexual desire, and, specifically, about what determines the gender of the people you're attracted to. Ok. Let me just state, for the record, that gender doesn't affect attraction for me. At least not mostly. Gender presentation does, a little bit, but that's a story for a different time. So when the article suggests that desire may be pretty fluid for women, at least in terms of what our brains do, that rings kind of true. Anyway, I know a lot of women who are kind of flexible, and very few men (though I do know some). Not that that's worth mentioning in the newspaper.

But people! Come on! To argue that men have a fixed sexual orientation that cannot be changed, and that whatever the level of same-sex male desire is, it's fixed? That's just irresponsible ahistoricity. There are a lot of societies other than the modern-day US where men had sex with men at certain times, and with women at other times. See ancient Greece. Also Elizabethan England. Also present-day Sri Lanka, where my housemate says it's pretty accepted that young men will have all sorts of same-sex encounters, because female virginity at marriage is highly valued. Also the down-low cultures in the US. These guys are getting it up for men and for women, and actively choosing to have both kinds of relationships. I'm sure some of it is about limited options (e.g. jail and the British Navy, which was once said to run on rum, sodomy, and the lash), but it happens all over the place. Claiming that "Sexual orientation, at least for men, seems to be settled before birth" ignores the fact that 'sexual orientation' is a concept of the last 200 years at the absolute most. Before that, you did this, and you did that, but it wasn't about identity, and it might change. Unless the professors quoted in the article seriously believe that men in western/European/US culture have actually evolved genetic differences from their ancestors within the last 200 years (and while the Y chromosome evolves faster than the X, 200 years?!), they're looking directly in front of their noses and nowhere else.

Not that I was expecting that they would. Just, you know. That paragraph above? That's introductory stuff. Seems like you might could think of considering it if you're a professor and all.

April 22, 2007

dinner at Loud

Dinner: Whole-grain spelt crepes with Oley Valley oyster and shiitake mushrooms and Mother Earth yellow oyster mushrooms, local nettles, and Valley Shepherd cave-aged sheep's-milk cheese.

Intermission: summer fruit sauce made with maple and rose-geranium sugars.

Dessert: Bassett's coffee ice cream with Nutella.

Wine: Bonny Doon Pacific Rim Dry Riesling.

It was even better than it sounds. And here's our scorecard:

Local (within 100 miles)
Mushrooms, nettles, rosemary, sage, onions, eggs, butter, cheese, strawberries and peaches from the freezer, maple sugar, rose geranium

Partly local (regionally produced or made by a local business from not-local ingredients)
ice cream, spelt flour

Not local
Sugar, salt, olive oil, wine, Nutella, one tablespoon of soy milk

speaking of France

Did you know that Ségoléne Royal1 isn't married? She has four children with her male life partner, and they have a civil union, but she's not legally or religiously married.

It may be hard to believe for those of us in the sex-obsessed US, but this has not been a campaign issue for her.


1. The Socialist candidate for president of France.

April 18, 2007

patriarchy at work

In honor of the Supreme Court's decision, let's all remember who was there when the 'partial-birth' abortion ban was signed.

April 17, 2007

incompetence is no barrier to achievement

Don't read the cover article of this week's NYT magazine. Or if you do, don't say I didn't warn you. To summarize: Thomas Friedman would like us all to know that he has a big dick, and it likes the environment. But not in a "sissy", "vaguely French" way. No, this is a "muscular and strategic" "Geo-Green" sort of dick that considers "the First Law of Petropolitics" in its quest to ravish the world.

Instead, you should read a review of Friedman's book. By the time the Mathemagician was done reading it to me, I was lying on my kitchen floor, convulsing with laughter, tears streaming down my cheeks, whimpering.

April 13, 2007

why hierarchy sucks

I had lots of time to think today. I spent most of it waiting 4.5 hours to talk to my principal. And what I thought about, in that time, is how extremely important it is for leaders of all sorts (principals, teachers, presidents) to be accessible. I used to be able to drop by the director's office at the outdoor ed program where I worked, and I talked to my direct boss in depth at least every other week. It was part of my job and his job, and it meant that I always knew where I stood. The other outdoor ed program was bigger, so we had forms to get signed and mandatory short check-ins every other week, but if you wanted to talk to someone they'd schedule you a time. You can have more formal systems too, like having office hours or a meeting every day or week that's reserved for employees or a secretary who'll make an appointment for you, but you gotta be able to get in touch with your boss. Especially if you're trying to set up some kind of special something for your organization that needs your boss's approval.

What does not work is asking people to stand outside your door at random times until you decide they're worth talking to.

What also does not work is telling them you'll meet with them at a specific time, then disappearing at that time with no explanation or apology.

And if you need a definition of adding insult to injury, it's having your boss finally meet with you, then interrupt the meeting every 30 seconds to talk to someone else.

I'm not saying I'm so important. But I'd feel better about my job and my work if I got treated like I mattered some. Even worse, this is moving up in the world compared to some.

April 8, 2007

time to look in the impossible places

There's a short article in the NYT magazine by Noah Feldman this week that purports to be about the lack of any political candidates with clear statements about how to get out of Iraq. While the article frames it as being about politicians' trying to negotiate conflicting electoral desires and paradigms for resolving the conflict, it's notable for what it lacks: a clear statement of the real options for dealing with Iraq. To my mind, this is because there aren't any. For most political problems (access to health care, the global AIDS crisis, global climate change, crime in the inner city, equal rights for queer people) there's some action the government should take, even if it's not enough to fully solve the problem. In Iraq, all of our possible options are hopelessly compromised: whatever action the US government takes, some unacceptable consequence will almost certainly ensue. Notably, these unacceptable consequences are unacceptable to Iraqis, Americans, politicians, academics, and the world community, meaning that politicians literally have nowhere to go to find a reasonable strategy for resolving US involvement in Iraq.

The conclusion of US involvement in Iraq will only happen once we accept one of the unacceptable consequences. Thus, while the article sets up the problem as one of political will, it's in fact a problem of available options. We're going to have to accept at least one, and maybe more, of the following consequences in order for the current unproductive muddle to end.

1. Genocidal civil war, coupled with a major refugee crisis, destabilization of the region as the various surrounding countries jockey for influence, massive loss of face for the US, and loss of access to Iraq's oil production. I should say, more of these things than we have now. This is the likely consequence of withdrawing all US troops on the timelines set out by the House and Senate bills. No one is willing to accept this consequence explicitly: it's a humanitarian and international-relations disaster. It is, however, very likely to be the consequence we accept by default.

2. A major increase in US troop commitment. Not a surge, not a small escalation, but overwhelming force. Despite Iraqi hostility to the US presence, I think a massive escalation that actually established security and helped rebuild infrastructure might be welcome. You'd need a draft and a complete change in the US political scene. The US wouldn't lose quite as much face, but Iraq would become our major effort for the next five or so years. Say goodbye to any other policy priorities that might compete with the war effort. Also to your male relatives.

3. Giving other countries in the Middle East a lot of say in Iraq. It might work to have a federally partitioned Iraq - something along the lines of the former Yugoslavia - with large protector states for each section. There's precedent for major powers coming together to split up powerless states, and while I don't think it's so great, it might be better than door #1. It might also be possible just to have Saudi and Iranian involvement and protection without dividing up in the country. The downside risk is that, like in Yugoslavia, lots of people might end up having to leave their homes as the ethnic and religious borders got defined, and there would almost certainly be some serious violence and brutality. The US would have to explicitly provide Iran with influence in Shiite Iraq, and the US, Iran, and Saudi Arabia would probably have to be the minimal guarantors of the peace. You'd also need assent from Syria, Jordan, and Turkey - Iraq's other neighbors - though Turkey is pretty likely to just accept whatever it is, since the Kurdish section along its border is relatively stable. There'd be a lot of arguing about oil and borders, Baghdad might have to be partitioned, and it has the potential to set up a major future war about oil, religion, and whatever violations of the peace are certain to happen periodically. This consequence is the least likely to happen, and is also the least defined right now. It carries enormous risks, and might be impossible anyway.

On the other hand, Juan Cole, who, as a professor of modern Middle East history, knows a smidge more than I do about these things, thinks it might work. His vision depends, though, on the US actively engaging with Iran, which is going to take a change of administration at a bare minimum.

The defining theme of these consequences is that Iraq needs some major force if we're not going through door #1. The US could provide it, or other countries could provide it, but I think we've seen that the Iraqi government is, at the moment, totally unable to provide it. Both sides of the American political fight present the canard that "The Iraqi political classes could deliver law and order and reconstruction if only they really wanted to, but their incentive to save their country is somehow reduced by the presence of the U.S.," but Feldman points out that "It is hard to overstate how absurd this view would sound to anyone who wasn’t looking for excuses to withdraw." Basically, putting total responsibility for stability and reconstruction on a brand-new government in an extremely unstable state in which being a member of the government at any level is likely to get you killed? Not reasonable. Not going to work, anyway. Choosing that means choosing door #1.

And what do I think? Well. I don't really know. But door #3 is the only one that might, possibly maybe, not be a human catastrophe. So I'll go with that.


1. The title comes from something my mom says. If you can't find your keys after you've looked in all the possible places, it's time to look in the impossible places.
2. Edited because I read Juan Cole.

best graffiti ever

On the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom of a BP in Carlisle, PA:

I <3 buckwheat